Ever have one of those days where you just want to stay in
your pj's and do absolutely nothing? Welcome to my life the past couple of
days!! I NEED A JOB ASAP!! I have been searching and patiently waiting for a
phone call that would spark a bit of hope inside of me. Yesterday, I finally
got that call. I have an interview on Monday with a bank not far from my house.
My biggest worry and question I constantly asked myself in going into this
whole deployment was “what do I do with my life at this point?” My family
wanted me to move back home while Aaron was away, and he strongly encouraged
it. Trust me; it wasn’t on my top list of things to do. Not because of my
family, I love being with and around them, I just knew after being on my own
for four years it would make it difficult moving back home. The first few weeks
I struggled with feeling like I had lost my independence that I worked so hard
to gain. I had formed my own little routine in life. Now, everything about that
life was changing. Going to school was all I had known my whole life, now it
was over. My best friend was gone and no longer a phone call away. I had no
idea what I was going to do. The more people asked, the more confused I became.
I was constantly fighting an inward battle, but I refused to let anyone see me
fail. I knew I could do this. I knew I could pick up the pieces and move on. I
knew God would help me figure it all out. When it came to finding a job, I had
no idea what I wanted to do. I struggled with “do I just find something to keep
me occupied for a year and half until Aaron gets home” or “do I find a career
that expects me to be around for a long time”? My head was constantly going back and forth. I
knew the plans Aaron and I talked about, but those were a year away. When would
we get married? Where would we end up
living? What if I find a job here and love it? What if, what if, what if…….
This morning, lying
on my floor crying like a little baby, I realized that I have been wasting my
life on “what ifs” and uncertainties!! I still don’t know all the answers to my
questions, and I probably won’t until Aaron comes home, and some I will never
know. But, I can’t sit around and put my life on hold while he is away. I have
to go about my life and know it will all fit perfectly together when he gets
home. My phone will always be glued to my hand. My computer will never be far
away. But, I have an overflowing amount of peace in my heart from the Lord and
He has been so gracious and patient with me through this transition. He gave me
this lifestyle because He knew I could handle it, only with his help. God has
such a sense of humor sometimes.
I couldn’t have been blessed with a better soldier to go
through this for. Sometimes, when I fail to be supportive because I’m too busy
throwing a pity party for myself, he knows just what to say to bring me back to
my feet. And he does it with grace. I tell him all the time, I would never do
this for anyone else. We make a good team. I could go on and on about all the
reasons I love that boy, but you may all fall in love with him too : ) But, the
biggest and most important reason I fell in love with him was his heart. It’s
golden. And, it’s the Lord's. I know I come second in his heart and life, and I’m
okay with that! I may still have my moments and days where I just want to stay
in my pj’s, but my eyes and head are a little clearer now. I will work hard at
whatever I do and know, in the end, it will all work out just the way God
planned it.
