Don't miss out...

Wow, I can’t believe it has been almost 4 months since my last post. I knew I wouldn't be good at this when I started. You can’t say I didn't warn you!! I am truly sorry for being such a slacker though. I try to keep myself as busy as possible. By the time I get off work and take all my stress out on the poor gym, there is just enough time left in the day to play with my sweet puppy, eat dinner, and get ready for bed. On my days off and the weekends I try to soak up as much time with family and friends as I can. 

The first few months of this deployment it was my goal to get the day over with as quick as possible. On June 17^th, when I watched Aaron’s bus drive away, my mind went straight to his return. I just wanted the months in between to disappear. Then, I realized how much I was missing in the moment. I’m surrounded by the most amazing support system but I knew they could tell that, although I was physical present, mentally I was in Afghanistan. I had to come to grips with the fact that there was nothing I could do to bring Aaron home. If I was going to marry Aaron, I had to learn how to deal with this lifestyle. Well, I don’t know that anyone ever full learns how to handle it, you just do the best you can. You just do it!! That’s always my answer when people ask how I do it. I just do it, with an unending amount of faith in Christ, a few tears and bad days, and an unconditional love for the soldier I’m waiting for. You don’t have to be going through a deployment to apply this to your life. I think everyone in any situation struggles with living in the moment. We focus so much on what the future holds that we completely miss what God is trying to teach us right now. Yes, my mind drifts to Aaron’s homecoming or to a very special day in November, that’s perfectly normal. But, I no longer wish the days away. Instead I do my best to embrace each day as another day to encourage someone, love without bounds, and become a better version of me. I say it all the time; I do not know how people get through something like deployment without faith in Christ. I’m a mess most days anyways, I’d hate to see myself go through this without Him. Just like with any trail we face in life, it is easy to draw near to God and lean on Him during the hard times; it’s how close we stay to Him and rely on Him after He gets us through the storm that reveals the true depth of our faith. This deployment is slowly coming to an end; I constantly pray that I never lose sight of who got me through this time.

Please continue to pray for Aaron and all the men and women serving. He is always in good spirits (occasionally grumpy, but that’s normal), but I can see the exhaustion and the toll the past several months have taken on him. We finally got to Skype today and I could actually see his face not just pixels. Skype and instant message are beautiful things….when the internet works!!! I’m just thankful it works sometime, even for 5 minutes, just to know he is okay. I know we will both be happy when we don’t have to rely on Skype and Facebook via Afghan internet for communication. Until then, I’m thankful for its crappiness : )

Adios November...

November is already over? This month flew by and this girl is not complaining one bit!! We have almost made it half way through this dreaded deployment and quite frankly I’m over it. I’m ready to have my love back in my arms, or at least a little closer than 7 thousand miles away. I’m happy time is passing quickly, but the holiday season is proving to be a little harder to get through. It’s hard to ignore the fact that a huge part of my life is missing, no matter how many people I am surrounded by and no matter how hard they try to make it easier. Don’t get me wrong, I have an amazing support system and they truly do make things easier and keep me laughing constantly, but it still doesn't quite fill the gap in my heart. The only thing to do is be thankful that one day I will get to be with Aaron again and rest in the comforting arms of my Savior.

Aaron is doing well. He told me that they served them a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner with pretty much anything you could imagine, which made me feel a tad bit better. We get to talk at least once or twice a week and if we can get a decent connection we try to Skype. Technology is wonderful when it works, but when it stops working mid-conversation it can leave you with a huge knot in your stomach. Yesterday we were messaging back and forth and five minutes into it I stopped receiving messages. It happens all the time, but I doubt I will ever get used to it because in the back of my mind I just pray it was a connection loss and pray it isn't days before I hear from him again. If you know me well, you know I can be a little worry wart sometimes, but I work on it everyday. He is extremely exhausted. I can see it all over his face and hear it in his voice. Each time he looks a little more worn out and the dark circles around his eyes are bigger and darker. I love talking to him, but sometimes I would just rather him get some sleep. I hate seeing him like that, knowing that he will only get about 4 to 5 hours of sleep before he is back up and at it again. But, it’s just one more thing I have to trust God about. That He will keep Aaron alert and at his best every day. Aaron says he already has so many stories to tell me. He does not really tell me anything that happens while they are on missions. He knows it will only make me worry more, so he says he will tell me when he gets home. I don’t know if it really helps, not telling me and all. I mean, I know something happens when he says he will tell me later, but I understand he only wants to protect me. Like I don’t already worry? No, not me!! He tells me all the time he is just on a super long camp out and he will be home soon. It really does help me that he is always at peace about everything. He knows what he is doing. He knows why he is there. He knows that no matter what God is still in control and always will be. Sometimes I feel bad because I feel like he has to support me when I fail to be strong. Shouldn't I be the strong one? I honestly have no idea how people make it through this without complete faith and trust in Christ, one of the strongest Soldiers there is, and the most amazing support systems ever. It just makes it a little easier to get through. Please continue to pray for him. When you are surrounded by family this Christmas, take a minute to stop and pray for all the men and women who can't be with their families. 

Be on the lookout for the next blog, it may contain a little bit of information I know a lot of people have been waiting to hear. Until then, stop letting your worries rob you of your joy.

“Our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, but only empties today of its strength.” 

                                                                                 –Charles Spurgeon 

“ ⁶ do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” 

                                                                                    –Philippians 4:6&7

I'm glad you were born!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR AARON, HAPPPPPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!

My handsome man turns 23 today. Yes, he is a whole year and a month younger than me, say what you want : ) We have each celebrated three birthdays since we started dating, yet we have only spent one of them together. He was in boot camp during the first and now in Afghanistan for the third. I told him I am slowly figuring out his master plan. Not together on birthdays=no present buying. I’m only kidding, he did send me a Lifeproof case for my phone, because I tend to drop my phone is toilets!! Without wanting to sound all mushy, I say this with an honest heart…as hard as it is to spend Birthdays and Holidays apart, I would spend them all alone if it meant having to share them with someone else. I know I joked about the presents, but these days, and every day, isn't about the gifts and what not. It is about being with the ones you love. Celebrating life and the gifts God has so graciously given to us. I know the next few months of holiday celebrations will be hard because of the void I have in my heart. But, I constantly reminding myself that I am blessed enough to get him back in several months. Besides, he isn't “mine” to begin with. He is the Lord’s and I’m so thankful he has a heart that will follow Him anywhere He leads.

Putting together care packages has become the only thing I enjoy about this deployment. I was so excited to start putting things together for his birthday box, but I wasn't really sure what to send him. One day when we were talking he mentioned that he had picked up a little kettle thing that boiled water and later was talking about how he missed his coffee. So, being the wonderful girlfriend I am, I picked up a coffee press at Ross and some of his favorite coffee. Then I filled the box with a few of his favorites: green apple chapstick, oreos, beef jerky, noodles, slim jims, pop-tarts, playing cards, and of course some peanut better!!  I also picked up some hand and toe warmers and wool socks to keep his little hands and feet warm. My wonderful parents always contribute to the boxes because these little things can get expensive. But, it’s worth every penny when he gets them and loves everything in it. He was especially surprised by the coffee press and hand warmers. He told me he asked his parents for some the day before, but little did he know I do my research and had already sent him some : ) Okay, I’ll stop bragging on myself now!! He also received packages from his parents, which contained a cake and other goodies and his winter gear finally arrived from the States. I’d say he has had a good week of gifts!! I think between me, his parents, his Aunt Pat, and other friends, he will be one spoiled boy while he is away. But, he deserves it. They all do!!

Until next time…have you thanked a Veteran today? Because you should!!

Melt downs.Funny Faces.Pride.

I was going to write this blog on Tuesday, but I have been a bit of an emotional basket case the past few days so I decided it would be best to wait. I have tried so hard to hide my tears from everyone, especially Aaron. I guess I'm scared that if anyone sees me cry or have a weak moment, then they will question if I'm strong enough to handle this or not. Everyone always tells me that I have to be strong for Aaron and I can never let him see me cry or break down. Yes, I understand this logic and the last thing I want is for him to see me struggle and cry when there is nothing he can do to fix it at the moment. I know it is just as hard, if not harder, on him and I know he wishes more than anything that he could be here. But, on Tuesday I failed at being able to hide my built up emotions from him. And let me tell you, I was quickly reminded of why I love that boy so much. He didn't get mad at me for crying. He didn't get on to me and tell me it wasn't fair for me to break down in front of him and he didn't tell me that I HAVE to be strong all the time. Instead, he told me it was okay to cry, to let it all out, and he sat there in silence for a few minutes and let me have my cry baby moment. Over the past three years he has become the person I have turned to for comfort and support through tough times. After all, that’s a huge part of a relationship, right? So, to have people constantly telling me that I can’t turn to him or let him know when I’m struggling hasn't made much sense to me. We are in this together. We support each other, on the best of days and on the worst of days. I’m thankful that he lets me cry to him and takes time out of his busy day to talk to me and comfort me. I know he is under so much stress and I want his focus to stay on his job and not to worry about me, but I'm amazed at his strength to be able to do all of that and still be able to handle my weak moments. I’m thankful his heart belongs to the Lord; I know we could not make it through this without Him. My melt down was soon followed by a series of funny faces and jokes to cheer me up, which always works!!

Now, on to happier things. A promotion. A very well deserved promotion. My man works very hard at his job, a job most men couldn't handle. If you haven’t been able to tell, my heart overflows with pride for my Soldier. I feel like I can probably be that annoying proud girlfriend that is constantly bragging on how amazing her boyfriend is. Well, I guess I probably am. Sorry I’m not sorry. But, he is someone worth bragging about. (And I’m not used to having one of those : ) Any women who isn't overwhelmed with pride, support and love for her Soldier, doesn't deserve him. I just wish everyone else would get their priorities straight and realize who America’s real heroes are. Anyways, that is a rant for a different day : )  

SPC. BRANNON

I'm really not sure if I am supposed to steal, well "barrow", these pictures or not. But, I wan't to share them. His buddies take pictures all the time, which I love. Aaron told me a few weeks ago that he ordered a hammock off Amazon and would hook it up under his truck to sleep at night.I guess it is much better than having to sleep on those rocks, but of course I would prefer him to be in his warm, safe bed at home. I stuck a few things in his last package that will hopefully help keep him warm. Maybe I should send him some fuzzy ear muffs? I think I may..haha : )

 Until next time, be intentional, not only in your witness, but in general concern for others. You know, when you ask someone how they are, do you really care or is it just something you think you have to say after “hey”? Maybe take a minute and really find out how someone is and if there is anything you could pray for them about. You may shock someone for really caring what they have to say. Don’t get too busy and miss out on a being a blessing in someone’s life.  

catching up...

Good morning! It is time for the usual apology for being such a blogging slacker. I can't believe it has been over a month since I last wrote. This month has absolutely flown by and I am not complaining one bit!! I started my job three weeks ago and have been going non-stop since. Yes, it makes my days go by so much quicker, but I'm happy to finally have a day off and catch up on the things I have been neglecting. So, today shall be full of blogging, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping and, of course, writing my Soldier. I have already spent most of my morning on the back porch drinking my coffee, watching Chandler run around like a crazy women, and enjoying this beautiful fall weather. I am hoping this cool weather is here for good, but it is Florida so there is no need to get my hopes up. Aaron says it is already getting cold over in Afghanistan, which may be the only thing I'm jealous of. Speaking of Aaron, I wish I could properly put into words how much I miss that boy. I miss his smile, his hugs, his goofiness, the way he can always make me laugh even when I'm trying so hard to be mad at him. Grocery shopping is no longer fun without his crazy self. I miss all the annoying things (which I'm sure won't last long after he gets back). I miss cuddling and watching movies together and getting yelled at for moving around and talking to much : ) My hand also misses holding his hand. Anyways, you get the point!  

The past few weeks have been hard. I stay away from the news, like I literally know nothing that is going on in the world. Regardless of how hard I try to stay oblivious to the events that are taking place overseas and around the world, I still hear about things. I know it's hard for my parents to explain to me what's going on when I come to them with questioning eyes. During the craziness of the current events overseas, there was a period of time where Aaron was unable to have any contact with us. My stomach was in knots for days in a row and I couldn't concentrate on much. It was really the first time I had allowed this deployment to get to me. Then I got that sweet message saying, "good morning beautiful, I'm okay.." and I was overwhelmed with relief.  I'm starting to get used to going days without talking to him and never taking a second for granted that I do get to talk to him. Our Skype dates are never long enough and most of the time is spent calling each other back because his internet is beyond amazing : ) Facebook messenger has become my new best friend. I have also become a pro at packing care packages. And, by the way, "large" flat rate boxes really aren't that large. But, I can pack that little booger up, filling every bit of space, and the post office lady is always eager to see how much my package weighs each time...she's always impressed!!

Despite being stressed and tired most of the time, Aaron seems to be doing well. I honestly don't think he would tell me otherwise, he tries to protect me anyway he can. I do know that when they go on long missions he goes days without a shower. So you know I send that stank boy wipes in every box : ) I can't wait to start on his "Birthday Box", filled with all his favorites (minus me)!! He says things are not too bad where he is, which is good to hear. But, I would just feel better if he was here with me. I'm just selfish that way!! They go on missions for days at time, sleep outside, don't shower and don't get three meals a day. Beside the not eating part, I'd say he's living every little boys dream. No, but seriously, I get mad at him when he tells me these things and he thinks it's kinda of cool. I hope this next month flies by just as fast and then we will only be 8 months away from seeing each other again. I need my best friend back!!

It was hard for this Dawg to make this FSU box!! I promise there is healthy snacks under all the junk and candy : )

Until next time, take some time to reflect on the things you have, not the things you want. Make time to spend with the ones that love you and support you. Never take a single second for granted. Never take anyone in your life for granted. Don't be selfish. Figure out ways to help others and stop complaining about the things others don't do for you. Live every second for the One who gave you this life and never forget it can be taken away at any moment. Love God. Love people. Get over yourself!!

pjs and what ifs...

Ever have one of those days where you just want to stay in your pj's and do absolutely nothing? Welcome to my life the past couple of days!! I NEED A JOB ASAP!! I have been searching and patiently waiting for a phone call that would spark a bit of hope inside of me. Yesterday, I finally got that call. I have an interview on Monday with a bank not far from my house. My biggest worry and question I constantly asked myself in going into this whole deployment was “what do I do with my life at this point?” My family wanted me to move back home while Aaron was away, and he strongly encouraged it. Trust me; it wasn’t on my top list of things to do. Not because of my family, I love being with and around them, I just knew after being on my own for four years it would make it difficult moving back home. The first few weeks I struggled with feeling like I had lost my independence that I worked so hard to gain. I had formed my own little routine in life. Now, everything about that life was changing. Going to school was all I had known my whole life, now it was over. My best friend was gone and no longer a phone call away. I had no idea what I was going to do. The more people asked, the more confused I became. I was constantly fighting an inward battle, but I refused to let anyone see me fail. I knew I could do this. I knew I could pick up the pieces and move on. I knew God would help me figure it all out. When it came to finding a job, I had no idea what I wanted to do. I struggled with “do I just find something to keep me occupied for a year and half until Aaron gets home” or “do I find a career that expects me to be around for a long time”?  My head was constantly going back and forth. I knew the plans Aaron and I talked about, but those were a year away. When would we get married?  Where would we end up living? What if I find a job here and love it? What if, what if, what if…….

 This morning, lying on my floor crying like a little baby, I realized that I have been wasting my life on “what ifs” and uncertainties!! I still don’t know all the answers to my questions, and I probably won’t until Aaron comes home, and some I will never know. But, I can’t sit around and put my life on hold while he is away. I have to go about my life and know it will all fit perfectly together when he gets home. My phone will always be glued to my hand. My computer will never be far away. But, I have an overflowing amount of peace in my heart from the Lord and He has been so gracious and patient with me through this transition. He gave me this lifestyle because He knew I could handle it, only with his help. God has such a sense of humor sometimes.

I couldn’t have been blessed with a better soldier to go through this for. Sometimes, when I fail to be supportive because I’m too busy throwing a pity party for myself, he knows just what to say to bring me back to my feet. And he does it with grace. I tell him all the time, I would never do this for anyone else. We make a good team. I could go on and on about all the reasons I love that boy, but you may all fall in love with him too : ) But, the biggest and most important reason I fell in love with him was his heart. It’s golden. And, it’s the Lord's. I know I come second in his heart and life, and I’m okay with that! I may still have my moments and days where I just want to stay in my pj’s, but my eyes and head are a little clearer now. I will work hard at whatever I do and know, in the end, it will all work out just the way God planned it. 

from the west coast, to the beach, to the desert.

Well, I have a lot of catching up to do. The past few weeks have been full of adventures and travels to sadness and readjustments. I will never get used to having my best friend so far away from me and just in case anyone is wondering, time does not fly by when he is away. So, please stop telling me it will : ) Only kidding, but seriously that statement is the biggest joke ever!

                So, at the end of July I spent a few days in California with my handsome Uncle Jack. His graduation present to me was a trip to see him and the great sunny California. Upon my arrival it was raining and humid, which never happens. Of course, this Floridian was blamed for bringing the bad weather. It only lasted a day and then I was wearing sweaters every day. I was so envious of their gorgeous weather, wish I could have brought that back with me. It was four days packed full of good food, good company and beautiful sights. Our adventures consisted of:  walking down the Santa Monica pier, strolling down Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills, fighting the crazies down Hollywood Blvd, relaxing on the beaches of Malibu, driving through the valley and hanging out in the hills of Hollywood. And, of course he took me to a restricted area to get close to the Hollywood sign. But, my favorite part of the trip was getting to spend time with my uncle. He has always lived far away, visiting on holidays. So, it was nice to have good quality time with him and getting to know him more. I also got to spend time with his long time friend Sally and her dog, Duddly. It was defiantly and unforgettable trip! 

Beautiful Malibu

At the Hollywood sign : )

Capitol Records building 

Grauman's Chinese Theater

Then, it was home to unpack, do laundry, and pack again for a week at the beach with my Uncle Jeffrey, Aunt Angela and little cousins, Allison and Amy. It was a good time of relaxing and keeping my mind off Aaron being away.

                I try to stay as busy as possible, but not much keeps my mind of Aaron. I was doing okay while he was in Texas; it just felt like another trip to train and then he would be back. But, one phone call changed all of that. I am convinced there is absolutely nothing that could have prepared me for that phone call saying “we leave tonight”. I knew it probably wouldn’t hit me until he left for Afghanistan, but I wasn’t prepared to get hit with a ton of bricks. It’s hard to explain the feelings that went through me the next few days after he told me they were leaving. I took a few days to stop feeling anxious and a simple phone call from my soldier made it better. They made it there safely and for the first couple of days we were able to FaceTime and text via our iPad and iPod. Then they moved locations and our relationship turned into a high school Facebook messaging relationship...haha. I finally got a wakeup call this morning that started my day off perfectly. It was just what I needed; to hear his voice. This whole process isn’t easy at all, but, having someone so wonderful to wait for, makes it a little more tolerable. Life will not be so easy for the next several months without my best friend just a phone call away, but I have never experienced a peace inside my heart about anything like I feel right now. I know he is right where God wants him to be. I know he is doing what he knows in his heart is the right thing to do. I know he is coming home.

This is why I love him so much. I guess it is always good to have a gas mask on hand when you are surrounded by a bunch of me!

                Continue to keep him and his unit in your prayers. They will be doing some training for a few weeks before moving to their FOB. I guess that is when they will start getting into what they went there to do. I’m sure at that point I will experience a whole new set of emotions…bring it on!!